1. |
Garbage Juice Theme
00:54
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Garbage Juice
I think I just stepped in some garbage juice
Oh my God
It's all up in my shoe
It's everywhere on my computer too
I am drowning in this
Garbage Juice
Who filled my feed up with this garbage juice?
Why is it mandatory to sit through?
Whatever happened to my right to choose?
Oh my god, I don't think
I can take
this world that we've made anymore
It's moving so fast
It's kicking my ass
It's kicking yours too
What are we to do?
Where are we to go?
Let's open a beer
and get naked too
let's watch stupid songs
on my Instagram
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2. |
Make an Account
01:48
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Make an account if you have not
Prove to us that you aren't a bot
Check for a code in your inbox
Clink on the link and then we'll talk
Here is the launcher, it is free
Just sign up with their company
Make an account if you have not
Prove to them that you aren't a bot
Not that we would ever charge you
But we'll need a card from you to
Verify the installation
If you need help let us know
Just click the free trial of the Pro
or Diamond Business Gold Edition
Topaz Soda Saga Gems
If you like us then you'll like them
And if you think that this is bad
Just try Pro and lose the ads
Wouldn't it be such a laugh
Allowing us to post on your behalf?
Looks like you have made it through
The only thing that's left to do is
Make an account if you have not
Prove to us that you aren't a bot
Check for a code in your inbox
Click on the link and then we'll talk
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3. |
I'll Watch Your House
01:06
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I'll watch your house
While you're in Miami
I'll feed your cat
And give him his shot for diabetes
Taking in your mail
Eating all your cheese
Sleeping in your bed
Trying on your jeans
Staring out the window and admiring your view
Sipping on your coffee and pretending I'm you
You don't have to pay me
I just want to be a friend
When you get back to the city
It's a pity this will end
Sending love from all your babies
Everyone is still alive
And if one is a different color
Do not be surprised
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4. |
Stink Piss
00:25
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He rode into with a look in his eye
Stick of butter in his hand
And nobody knows why
Stink Piss
They called him Stink Piss
The desert still trembles
At the mention of his name
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5. |
Mornin' Handsome
00:41
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Mornin' handsome
You look like you crawled out of a magazine
Mornin' handsome
Lookin' at stimulates the dopamine
Lonely pasty aging nerd
Stinky ugly piece of turd
turd
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6. |
We Went to Maine
00:23
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We went to Maine and we looked at boats
We went to Maine and we looked at boats
Outside boats
Inside boats
I slurped mad lobster meat down my throat
I'm a slut
Chowdah
Chowdah
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7. |
Fuck Shit Macaroni Box
00:56
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I really gave us a shot
I did what you asked me to do
And now we both stand empty handed
Please understand I am only human
I'm gonna set my own plan
What you demand
Is only a dream
I can't get this fuck shit open
The way it says that I should open it
Never got this fuck shit open
The way it says that I should open it
I can't get this fuck shit open
The way it says that I should open it
Never got this fuck shit open
The way it says that I should
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8. |
I'm About to Sneeze
01:10
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I'm about to sneeze
I'm about to sneeze
I'm about to sneeze
I'm about to sneeze
I'm about to sneeze
I'm about to sneeze
I'm about to sneeze
I'm about to sneeze
I'm about to sneeze
I'm about to sneeze
I'm about to sneeze
I'm about to sneeze
I'm about to sneeze
Freeze, best believe
You're about to catch a breeze
I'm about to sneeze
This is not a drill
We're in a code green
Please let me sneeze
This is taking all week
Poppin' droplets out the shnoz
It's gonna give you disease
I'm about to sneeze
I'm about to sneeze
I'm about to sneeze
I'm about to sneeze
I'm about to sneeze
I'm about to sneeze
I'm about to sneeze
I'm about to sneeze
I'm about to sneeze
I'm about to sneeze
I'm about to sneeze
(doesn't sneeze)
WHY
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9. |
P.F. Chang's
00:52
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Come on down to P.F. Chang's
Right next to the Mattress Firm
Underneath the overpass
To the left of Exit 12
Happy hour
P.F. Chang's
Down the street from Ace Hardware
And the house with police tape
And the guy who's spinning the sandwich sign
P.F. Chang's
Right next to the failed Best Buy
Never ever go inside
Lots of people died in a crazy fire
Lots of people report hearing voices
[spoken]
P.F. Chang's, Exit 12 in Tchourpidouslaville, now open for happy hour. 4pm to 7pm y'all, come on down get a Asian noodle dish. Come on down after church, get a spicy temp'ra
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10. |
Grass Eating Robot
00:20
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Well, I'm a grass eatin' robot
at Le Chateau de Versailles
I don't know jack about dick
in 1789
because my only revolution
is 360 degrees
I'm a grass eatin' robot
and I do what I please
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11. |
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I don't like anything you just said at all
I don't know who you know or why you're at this party
I don't advise you say what you just said again
I am uncomfortable that you were comfortable with me to say that
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12. |
The Bridgets
01:04
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Whatever happened to the Bridgets?
I swear I went to school with hundreds of them
I haven't met a Dylan since 2003
And I think all of the Tanners went to prison
Every class had a Dustin
What became of all those Dustins' destinies?
Every class had a different Cody
12 years old and 6 foot 3
Whatever happened to the Natalies?
As an adult, not one I've found
All the Matts and all the Ashleys?
Well, all the Ashleys and the Matts are still around
All the Ashleys and the Matts are still around
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13. |
Poop With the Door Open
00:46
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14. |
Clipboard Man
01:12
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There is a man at the end of the street
Pretty sure he's gonna try to talk to me
He's got a clipboard and eye contact
Better make a call or we'll have to interact
I don't want to talk to the clipboard man
I don't want to talk to the clipboard man
I don't want to talk to the clipboard man
I don't want to talk to the clipboard man
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15. |
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You're feeling pretty low
You don't know where your life is gonna go
Your love life is an empty, growing hole
But soon you will be
Dust and bones in a matter of time
And as time goes on no one will know of your name
The sun is gonna slurp up the earth
But we'll be long extinct from climate change
Don't do anything ever again
Why go big when you can go home?
Don't do anything ever at all
It'll be okay because it won't be
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16. |
I'm Uncomfortable
01:30
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I'm uncomfortable sitting
and I'm uncomfortable flying
and I'm uncomfortable landing
and I'm uncomfortable indoors
and I'm uncomfortable camping
and I'm uncomfortable rapping
Thank you for understanding
Uncomfortable socially
as well as individually
Uncomfortable drunkenly
I'm uncomfortable soberly
I do not feel like sleeping
Then I do not feel like rising
and when the time comes to meet me
I think it isn't surprising
I'm a chill dude
I am pretty laid back
I keep it real every day
and night
Don't trip
I'm copacetic
I'm uncomfortable singe
and I'm uncomfortable taken
All my clothes are uncomfy
But I'm uncomfortable naked
I have had way too much coffee
and now my eyeballs are shakin'
So if it seems like I'm comfy
then friend, you would be mistaken
I don't like the city
or wide open spaces
The suburb's in the middle
but fuck those places
I don't my phone
or being without it
Anxiety disorder, you say?
Doubt it.
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17. |
Stuie
00:30
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Stuie
Screaming in a sunbeam
Stuie
Screaming by the stairs, it's
Stuie
Screaming like he wasn't just fed
Hey hey
Stuie
Screaming in the window
Stuie
Screaming in the kitchen
Stuie
is all I hear in my head
Stuie
Stuie
What are we gonna do-ie?
I guess I would scream too-ie
if I knew a god could
hear me
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18. |
Goo
01:47
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Kinda feeling weird today
Like a creature made of skin
How does it know how to stay in place
and not fall off my skeleton?
Tiny little mites are living on my eyelids
Nothing I can do except taste delicious
and let them eat my goo
They think you're delicious too
We are still on the menu
We are all buffets of goo
Goo
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19. |
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Happy Birthday
It's September
You're the product of Christmas f***ing
Happy Birthday
It's September
You were stuffed into a stocking
(spoken)
Happy Birthday, [Your Name]!
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20. |
Pigeon in the Airport
00:53
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Pigeon in the airport
Have a look
A bloody pigeon's in the airport
Honey, look
Where do you think he keeps his passport?
Don't he know that he can fly?
Baby, you're missing it
Pigeon in the airport
Hon', I promise
There's a pigeon in the airport
Get off your Kindle
He is going in the food court
How'd he get through TSA?
He's gone, you blew it now
GOD
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21. |
Bored Game
01:43
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Someone whipped out a board game
What are you, insane?
I was so happy just drinking
What a waste of a buzz
Was this because
we had a pause in the conversation?
Y'all go ahead
I will hang back instead
There are some Tweets to be read
There are dogs to be petted
Here I am playing too
Now I'm reading the rules
'Cause the girl I was talking to
has teamed up with another dude
I don't mean to be rude
Did y'all know it's true
we could be watching people fall down on YouTube?
Someone should make a game
where you are convincing
everyone to not play
There goes the night
There goes the wine
I'm reading the guide
I'm throwing the dice
I'm losing my mind
I'm losing my slices
All of my pieces
and all of my time
There goes the night
There goes the wine
I'm reading the guide
I'm throwing the dice
I'm losing my mind
I'm losing my slices
All of my pieces
and all of my time
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22. |
Garfield Beach
01:04
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I'd like to be
down by the sea
on a French beach with Garfield telephones
a French beach with Garfield telephones
a French beach with Garfield telephones
Millions of Garfield telephones
(spoken)
Since the 1980's the Iroise Coast in Brittany has received a supply of bright orange landline novelty phones shaped like the famous cartoon cat.
Lying in the sun
Monday never comes
One of them is ringing
I wonder which one
Mange des lasagnes
Mange des lasagnes
Mange a la plage avec les telephones
Mange des lasagnes
Mange des lasagnes
Mange a la plage avec les telephones
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23. |
The Year 2021
01:26
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The year 2021 will be a year of prosperity and danger.
Every car will have a computer and every computer will have a car.
Every street will be safe as it will be deemed illegal to break the law.
Anything one needs will be available not at the push of a button, but at the very thought of the push of a button, as long as one's microchip is correctly installed, and the button is imagined in the correct size and color.
And my Uncle Felix will be long dead,
his prized chandelier will hang in my foyer
in my house on Mars
and I will have moved to Mars
and all the girls will fawn over my Earth accent.
I will have two children:
Laser Joe and Erica.
Laser Joe will be the first human cyborg capable of lightspeed flight.
Erica will live in Fort Lauderdale.
And every evening
as my chandelier illuminates,
I will say, "Look, Uncle Felix.
Observe your prized fixture in my possession."
And the chandelier will spread chaotically and unattractively in the Martian gravity it's ill-equipped for.
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24. |
Nature Boner
01:28
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Look at the trees
I'm overcome
Feeling the breeze
out in the sun
I have a raging appreciation
And can you believe that waterfall?
Aren't you half-mast amidst it all?
I could explode at any time
I've got a
Nature boner
Nature boner
Nature, don't you know I'm so rock hard for you
whenever I am inside you?
Mother Nature is a MILF
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25. |
Not in This Weather
01:10
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It's such a beautiful day to get fired
It's such a beautiful day to lose my job
Birds are singing a nice refrain
The sun's in the sky
My life's in the drain
I can't complain
Not in this weather
Say goodbye to rainy skies
and sticky days of summer
Imagine if today were like that
That sure would be a bummer
I wish that days like today could be so ugly
Then I'd have the right to sing a sad song
But there isn't a cloud
There's only a breeze
The world is in tune
Except for just me
It couldn't be better
Not in this weather
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26. |
Uh Oh: People
01:26
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Uh oh, people
Uh oh, people
Uh oh, people
Uh oh, people
Call the number if you're making an appointment
Guess this means I don't need a doctor
Some lunatic thinks that I would ever take a phone and dial them
You belong in an asylum
Now my item won't scan
There's a human being who's incoming
Just the thing that I'm avoiding
How ya doin'?
Got no cash to tip the DoorDash
Can't look in their eyes
This is the worst day of my life
How ya doin'?
The voicemail user you are now trying to call
Has an inbox that is full
Has an inbox that is full
If there is something I can help you with at all
I am not available
I am not available
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27. |
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Something's up
'Cause nothing in my life is going belly up
Nothing seems to hurt
Nothing's swelling up
Bad news in the mail isn't piling up
Something's going on so just tell me what
Because I can't take the stress
Just point me to the mess
There's no way that
Everything's okay right now
Everything's okay right now
What if everything's okay right now?
What if everything's okay?
Oh my god
What if everything's okay?
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28. |
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Hot dogs are okay but sometimes they're good
Hot dogs are okay but sometimes they're good
Hot dogs are okay but sometimes they're good
Hot dogs are okay but sometimes they're good
Hot dogs are okay but sometimes they're good
Hot dogs are okay but sometimes they're good
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